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BLANCHAKD  & 

1848, 


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PICKLE  FOR  THE  MOWING  ONES, 


LORD  TIMOTHY  DEXTER, 


introbucinit;  |)nface, 


IT  A  DISTINGUISHED  CITIZEN  OF  "  OULD  KEWBERRY." 


FOUKTH  EDITION. 


KEWBURYFOET; 

BLANCHARD  &  SARGENT. 

1848. 


N55J)3S 


Lord  Dexter  and  his  Dog. 


PREFACE. 


Timothy  Dexter,  the  author  of  the  following  curious  and  unique  production , 
entitled  "X  Pickle  for  the  Knounng  Ones^''^  wnich  is  here  re-printed  verbatim 
et  spellatim  from  the  original  edition,  was  bom  in  Maiden,  January  22, 1747. 
Having  served  an  apprenticeship  with  a  leather  dresser,  he  commenced 
business  in  Newburyport  shortly  after  he  was  one  and  twenty,  and  being 
industrious  and  economical,  he  soon  found  himself  in  good  circumstances. 
In  the  year  1770  he  married,  and  receiving  a  considerable  amount  of  money 
with  his  wife,  he  was  thus  put  in  possession  of  a  moderate  fortune.    In  1776 
he  had  for  one  of  his  apprentices  the  no  less  eccentric,  and  afterwards  the  no 
less  noted  Jonathan  Plumer,jun.,  "  travelling  preacher,  physician  and  poet." 
as  he  was  accustomed  to  style  himself,  and  of  whom  we  shall  hereafter  speak. 
In  addition  to  his  regular  business  of  selling  leather  breeches,  gloves  "  soutabel 
for  wimen's  ware,"  &c.  he  engaged  in  commercial  speculations,  and  in  vari- 
ous kinds  of  business,  and  was   unusually  successful.    He  traded  with  mer- 
chants and  speculators  in  the  then  Province  of  Maine,  was  engaged  to  some 
extent  in  the  West  India  trade.     He  also  purchased  a  large  amount  of  what 
were  called  State  securities,  which  were  eventually  redeemed  at  prices  far 
es;ceeding  their  original  cost.     Some  of  his  speculations  in  whalebone  and 
warming  pans  are  mentioned  by  himself  on  page  23  of  this  work.     Thus  in 
various  ways  he  added  to  his  property,  and  in  a  few  years  he  became  a 
wealthy  man.     With  wealth  came  the  desire  of  distinction,  and  as  his  vanity 
was  inordinate  he  spared  no  expence  in  obtaining  the  notoriety  he  sought. 
In  the  first  place  he  purchased  an  elegant  house  in  High  Street,  Newburyport, 
and  embellished  it  in  his  peculiar  way.    Minarets  surmounted  with  golden 
balls  were  placed  on  the  roof,  a  large  g'ilt  eagle  was  placed  on  the  top,  and  a 
great  variety  of  other  ornaments.    In  front  of  his  house  and  land  he  caused 
to  be  erected  between  forty  and  fifty  wooden  statues,  full  length  and  larger 
than  life.     The  principal  arch  stood  directly  in  front  of  his  door,  and  on  tliis 
atood  the  figures  of  Washington,  Adams  and  Jefferson.     There  were  also  the 
statues  of  William  Pitt,  Franklin,  Bonaparte,  George  IV,  Lord  Nelson,  Gen. 
Morgan,  Complanter,  an  Indian  Chief,  Jack  Tar,  Traveling  Preacher,  Ma- 
ternal Affection,  Two  Grenadiers,  Four  Lions  and  one  Lamb,  and  conspicious 
among  them  were  two  images  of  Dexter  himself,  one  of  which  held  a  label 
with  the  inscription  "  /am  ilie  first  in  the  East,  the  first  in  the   West,  and  the 
greatest  philosopher  in  the  Western  worlcV^    In  order  that  the  interior  of  his 
house  should  correspond  "with  the  exterior,  the  most  costly  furniture  was 
imported  from  France,  and  the  walls  hung  with  paintings,  brought  from 
Holland  and  other  parts  of  Europe.    A  library  was  also  provided,  but  how- 
large  or  valuable  we  are  not  able  to  say.    An  elegant  coach  with  a  span  of 
beautiful  cream  colored  horses  was  procured,  on  which  was  painted  his  coat 
of  arms,  with  the  baronial  supporters,  after  the  manner  of  the  English  nobility. 
With  this  equipage  he  took  the  title  of  Lord  Dexter,  because,  as  he  said,  it 
was  "the  voice  of  the  peopel  at  Large."    He  was  sometimes  called  the 
Marquis  of  Newburyport.    Having  completed  the  embelishments  of  his  house 
and  gardens,  Lord  Dexter  busied  himself  m  receiving  the  visits  of  the  crowds, 
who  were  drawn  by  curiosity  to  his  house.    His  gardens  were  thrown  open 
to  their  inspection,  and  he  was  liberal  to  all.    The  fame  of  his  hospitality 
attracted  as  many  visitors  as  the  fame  of  his  images.    To  gratify  his  vanity 
he  eelected  in  imitation  of  European  princes,  a  poet  laureate.    This  was  no 
©ther  than  his  former  apprentice,  Jonathan  Plumer,  jun.,  a  native  of  New- 


Ivii705(>4 


bury.  They  had  once  been  associated  as  master  and  apprentice,  but  now 
stood  in  the  relation  of  patron  and  poet.  From  the  auto-biography  of  Plumer 
a  very  curious  and  scarce  production  of  244  pages,  the  following  extract  is 
taken,  which  may  serve  to  give  some  idea  of  the  versatility  of  his  genius. — 
*'I  had,"  says  he,  "some  practice  as  a  physician,  and  earned  something  with 
my  pen,  but  for  several  years  was  obliged  chiefly  to  follow  various  kinds  of 
business  accounted  less  honorable,  viz :  Farming,  repeating  select  passages 
from  authors^' selling  halibut,  sawing  wood,  selling  books  and  ballads  in  the 
streets,  serving  as  post  boy,  filling  beds  with  straw  and  wheeling  them  to  the 
owners  thereof,  collecting  rags,  &c."  He  had  previously  served  one  or  two 
campaigns  as  a  soldier,  and  on  his  return  from  the  wars  he  taught  school  for 
some  time  in  New  Hampshire.  The  ballads,  which  he  hawked  about,  were 
generally  his  own  composition.  Every  hon-id  accident,  bloody  murder,  a 
shipwreck,  or  any  other  dreadful  catastrophe,  was  sure  to  be  followed  by  a 
statement  of  the  facts,  a  sermon  and  a  poem.  In  the  capacity  of  ballad 
maker  and  monger  he  attracted  the  notice  of  Dexter,  in  whose  service  he 
entered  for  a  small  salary  as  poet  laureate.  He  wore  a  livery,  consisting  of 
a  black  frock  coat,  adorned  with  stars  and  fringes,  a  cocked  hat  and  black 
breeches.  He  was  crowned  in  the  garden  of  his  patron  with  a  wreath  of 
parsley,  instead  of  laurel,  but  the  ceremony  was  interrupted  before  its  com- 
pletion by  a  mob  of  boys,  and  both  patron  and  poet  put  to  flight.  One 
specimen  of  his  laudatory  verses  may  be  seen  on  page  29  of  this  work,  which 
will  give  the  render  some  idea  of  his  qualifications  for  the  oflSce  to  which  he 
was  elected.  How  well  he  was  satisfied  with  the  praises  of  the  poet  we  are 
not  informed,  but  feeling  probably  that  no  person  but  himself  could  do  justice 
to  the  ideas,  which  he  wished  to  present  to  the  public,  he  commenced  writing 
for  the  press.  Several  of  these  effusions  were  printed  in  the  newspapers. — 
The  larger  part  of  them  written  at  different  times  are  embodied  in  the  present 
work,  a  large  edition  of  which  was  published  by  himself  and  given  away.  In 
this  edition  not  a  stop  or  a  mark  was  used  in  any  line  of  his  writings,  but  in 
the  second  edition  one  entire  page  was  filled  with  stops  and  marks,  with  a 
recommendation  from  the  author  to  his  readers,  to  use  them  where  they  were 
wanted  in  the  work,  or  in  his  own  language,  "to  peper  and  soolt  it  as  they 
pleased."  Dexter  had  two  children,  Samuel  and  Nancy,  neither  of  whom 
was  distinguished  for  strength  of  intellect.  The  son  was  a  dissipated  prodigal 
and  died  young.  The  daughter,  of  whom  mention  is  made  by  the  father  in 
the  following  pages,  was  married  to  Abraham  Bishop  of  New  Haven,  who  we 
are  informed  treated  her  with  neglect  and  cruelty.  A  divorce  followed  and 
fthe  became  intemi^erate,  lost  what  little  reason  she  had,  and  is  still  living,  a 
wretched  object.  Lord  Dexter  himself,  if  we  may  judge  from  his  own  writ- 
ings and  from  what  we  have  heard,  was  not  happy  in  his  domestic  relations. 
Ke  complains  much  of  his  wife,  whom  he  calls  the  "  gost,"  and  charges  the 
cause  of  his  separation  from  her  for  thirteen  years  to  his  son  Bishop.  His 
own  temper  wa..^  irascible,  and  several  stories  are  told  of  the  excesses,  into 
•which  it  would  sometimes  lead  him.  "  He  ordered  his  painter,  Mr.  Babson, 
to  place  the  word  "  Constitution  "  on  the  scroll  in  the  hand  of  the  figure  of 
Jefferson,  which  the  latter,  knowing  the  artist  designed  it  to  represent  the 
Declaration  of  Independence,  refused  to  do.  Dexter  was  so  incensed  by  this 
refusal,  that  he  went  into  the  house,  and  brought  out  a  pistol,  which  he 
deliberately  fired  at  the  pain'-er ;  but  he  was  a  poor  shot,  and  the  ball  missing 
\t8  object,  entered  the  side  of  the  house.  At  another  time,  seehig  a  country- 
man, as  he  thought,  rather  impudently  viewing  his  premises,  he  ordered  his 
•on  to  fire  at  the  stranger.  He  refused  to  do  so,  when  the  father  threatened 
to  shoot  him  unless  he  complied.  His  son  then  obeyed.  The  stranger  escaped 
mnhurt,  but  entered  a  c  ^mplaint,  and  Lord  Timothy  was,  in  consequence, 
««Bteneed  to  the  house  of  correction  for  several  months.    He  went  thither  ia 


his  own  coach,  priding  himself  on  being  the  first  man  who  had  been  to  the 
county  house  in  his  own  carriage,  dniwn  by  two  splendid  horses.  He  soon 
grew  tired,  however,  of  his  confinement,  and  procured  a  release,  which  it  wa« 
said,  cost  him  a  thousand  dollars.  The  individual,  who  exercised  most 
influence  over  Dexter  was  a  negro  woman,  named  Lucy  Lancaster,  or  as  she 
was  commonly  called  "Black  Luce,"  a  woman  of  uncommon  strength  of 
mind,  great  shrewdness  and  remarkable  for  her  powers  of  memory  and 
knowledge  of  human  nature,  but  as  wicked  as  she  was  sagacious.  She 
thought  him  an  honest  man,  and  not  so  deficient  in  intellect  as  many  people 
supposed,  and  attributed  his  eccentricities  to  an  excess  of  animal  spirits. — 
This  was  probably  to  some  extent  true,  though  it  is  certain  that  other  spirits 
contributed  in  no  small  degree  to  the  excesses  of  his  temper  and  the  pecu- 
liarities of  his  tast«.  He  was  addicted  to  drunkenness,  and  with  his  son  and 
other  companions,  kept  up  his  revels  in  the  best  apartments  of  his  house,  by 
which  in  a  very  short  time,  all  his  costly  fmniture  was  ruined,  or  very  much 
injured. 

"  Not  insensible  that  he  must  share  the  common  lot,  Dexter,  many  year« 
before  his  death,  prepared  himself  a  tomb.  It  was  the  basement  story  of  his 
summer-house,  magnificently  fitted,  and  open  to  the  light  of  day.  His  coffin, 
made  of  the  best  mahogany  which  he  could  find,  superbly  lined,  and  adorned 
with  silver  handles,  he  kept  in  a  room  of  the  house,  and  took  great  pleasure 
in  exhibiting  it  to  visitors — at  other  times  it  was  locked  up.  Soon  after  his 
death  apparatus  was  prepared.  Dexter  got  up  a  mock  funeral,  which  with  all 
but  his  family  and  a  few  associates  was  to  pass  as  real.  Various  people  in 
the  town  were  invited  by  card,  who  came  and  found  the  family  clad  in 
mourning,  and  preparations  for  the  funeral  going  forward.  The  burial  service 
was  read  l3y  a  wag,  who  then  pronounced  a  bombastic  eulogy  upon  the  de- 
ceased. The  mourners  moved  in  procession  to  the  tomb  in  the  garden,  the 
coflfin  was  deposited,  and  they  returned  to  the  large  hall,  where  a  sumptuous 
entertainment  was  provided.  While  the  feast  was  going  on,  a  loud  noise 
attracted  the  guests  to  the  kitchen,  where  they  beheld  the  arisen  Lord  caning 
his  wife  for  not  having  shed  a  tear  during  the  ceremony  !  He  entered  the 
hall  with  the  astonished  mourners,  in  high  spirits,  joined  in  the  rout,  threw 
money  from  the  window  to  the  crowd  of  boys,  and  expressed  his  satisfaction 
with  every  thing  except  the  indifference  of  his  wife,  and  the  silence  of  the 
bells.'^ 

Lord  Dexter  died  at  his  house,  on  the  26th  of  October,  1806,  in  his  60th^ 
year,  and  by  direction  of  the  Board  of  Health,  his  remains  were  interred  in 
the  common  burying  place.     His  grave  is  marked  by  a  simple  stone. 

The  Dexter  mansion,  is  yet  standing,  and  is  a  very  fine  tenement,  but 
retains  few  traces  of  the  whims  of  its  late  proprietor.  Of  the  images,  upwards 
of  forty  in  number,  only  the  three  Presidents  novv  remain,  the  others  having 
been  cast  down  by  the  resistless  hand  of  time.  Some  of  them  were  blown 
down  in  the  great  gale  of  September,  1815,  and  were  sold  at  auction. 

The  cut  fronting  the  Biography  gives  a  very  excellent  and  faithful  repre- 
sentation of  Lord  Dexter  in  his  walking  habits,  and  the  likeness  of  the  dog 
is  equally  perfect.  The  dog  was  perfectly  black  and  the  skin  as  entirely 
free  from  hair  as  that  of  an  elephant.  He  differed  as  much  from  other  dogs 
as  did  his  master  and  his  friend,  the  poet,  differ  from  other  people.  The 
likenesses  of  all  three  were  drawn  with  great  accuracy  by  James  Aiken,  Esq. 
now  a  resident  of  Philadelphia,  and  could  the  patron  and  the  poet  be  seen  in 
proper  person,  dressed  in  the  costume  of  that  day,  they  would  be  objects  of 
great  curiosity.  But  they  are  gone,  and  of  each'it  may  be  truly  said, 
We  ne'er  shall  look  upon  his  like  again* 


A  PICKLE 

FOR  THE  KNOWING  ONES. 


To  mankind  at  Large  the  time  is  Com  at  Last  the  grat  day  of 
Regoising  what  is  that  why  I  will  tell  you  thous  three  kings  is 
Rased  Rased  you  meane  should  know  Rased  on  the  first  Royal 
Arch  in  the  world  olmost  Not  quite  but  very  hiw  up  upon  so  thay 
are  good  mark  to  be  scene  so  the  womans  Lik  to  see  the  frount 
and  all  people  Loves  to  see  them  as  the  quakers  will  Com  and 
peape  slyly  and  feele  glad  and  say  houe  the  done  frind  father 
Jorge  washeton  is  in  the  senter  king  Addoms  is  at  the  Rite  hand 
the  present  king  at  the  Left  hand  father  gorge  with  his  hat  on  the 
other  hats  of  the  middel  king  with  his  sword  king  Addoms  with 
his  Cane  in  a  grand  poster  Adtetoude  turning  his  &ss  towards  the 
first  king  as  if  they  was  on  sum  politicks  king  our  present  king  he 
is  stands  Hearing  being  younger  and  very  deafe  in  short  being  one 
grat  felosfer  Looks  well  East  &  west  and  &orth  &  south  deafe  & 
very  deafe  the  god  of  Natur  has  dun  very  much  for  our  present 
king  and  all  our  former  ones  they  are  all  good  I  want  them  to 
Live  for  Ever  and  I  beleave  thay  will  it  is  hard  work  to  be  A  king 
—I  say  it  is  hardar  than  tilling  the  ground  I  know  it  is  for  I  find 
it  is  hard  work  to  be  A  Lord  I  dont  desier  the  sound  but  to  pleas 
the  peopel  at  Large  Let  it  gou  to  brak  the  way  it  dus  for  Asort 
ment  to  help  a  good  Lafe  to  Cour  the  sick  spleney  goutey  dul 
frames  Lik  my  selfe  with  the  goute  and  so  on  make  meri^  a  Chea- 
ly  Christen  is  for  me  only  be  onnest  No  matter  what  they  worshep 
son  moune  or  stars  or  there  wife  or  miss  if  onnest  Live  forever 


money  wonfc  gltt  thous  figers  so  fast  as  I  wish  I  have  sent  to  Leg 
horn  for  many  mr  bourr  is  one  Amonks  others  I  sent  in  the  grand 
Crecham  thous  3  kings  Are  plane  white  colow  at  present  the  Royal 
Arch  &  figers  cost  39  pound  wate  silver  the  hiest  Councaton  order 
in  the  world  so  it  is  sade  by  the  knowing  one  I  have  only  4  Lions 
&  1  Lam  up  the  spred  Eagel  has  bin  up  3  years  upon  the  Coupe- 
lay  I  have  13  billors  front  in  strat  Row  for  13  states  when  we  be- 
gun 3  in  the  Rear  15  foot  hie  4  more  on  the  grass  see  2  the  same 
hath  at  the  Rite  of  the  grand  Arch  2  at  the  left  wing  15  foot  hie 
the  Arch  17  foot  hie  the  my  hous  is  3  sorey  upwards  of  290  feet 
round  the  hous  Nater  has  formed  the  ground  Eaquel  to  what  you 
would  wish  for  the  Art  by  man  Eaquel  to  a  Solomun  the  onerabel 
Jonathan  Jackson  one  of  the  first  in  this  Country  for  tast  borne  A 
grat  man  by  Nater  then  the  best  Lurning  what  sot  me  fored  for 
my  plan  having  so  gran  spot  the  hool  of  the  world  Cant  Excead 
this  to  thous  that  dont  know  would  think  I  was  Like  halfe  the 
world  A  Lier  I  have  traveled  good  deale  but  old  steady  men  say- 
eth  it  is  the  first  that  it  is  the  first  best  in  this  Contry  &  others 
Contrey  I  tell  you  this  the  trouth  that  None  of  you  grat  men  wo- 
dent  be  A  frunted  at  my  preseadens  &  I  spare  Now  Cost  in  the 
work  I  have  the  tempel  of  Reason  in  my  garding  3  years  past  with 
atoume  under  it  on  the  Eage  of  the  grass  see  it  cost  98  gineys  be- 
sides the  Coffen  panted  whit  in  side  and  out  side  tuched  with 
green  Nobel  trimings  uncommon  Lock  so  I  can  tak  the  kee  in  side 
and  haye  fier  works  in  the  toume  pipes  and  tobacker  &  A  speak- 
ing trumpet  and  &  bibel  to  Read  &  sum  good  songs 

What  is  a  presedent  answer  A  king  bonne  partey  the  grate  has 
as  much  power  as  A  king  and  ort  to  have  &  it  is  a  massey  he  has 
for  the  good  of  mankind  he  has  as  much  power  as  Any  king  for 
grat  ways  back  there  must  be  A  head  sum  whare  or  the  peopel  is 
Lost  Lik  wild  gees  when  thay  Lous  the  gander  two  Leged  want 
A  head  if  fore  Leged  both  &  2  Leged  fouls  the  Name  of  presedent 
is  to  pleas  the  peopel  at  tf^rge  the  sound  souts  best  Now  in  the 
south  give  way  to  the  North  the  North  give  way  to  the  south  or 
by  &  by  you  will  brake  what  falers  be  wise  on  keep  the  Links  t^^.' 
gether  and  if  you  cant  A  gree  Consoalated  to  A  kingly  power  for 
you  must  keep  together  at  the  wost  hear  it  Labers  ye  les  see  there 
is  so  many  men  wants  be  the  all  offesers  &  Now  sogers  poor  king 
Every  day  wants  A  bone  sum  more  then  others  the  king  cant  Live 
without  the  feald  wee  have  had  our  turae  grat  good  father  Addoms 


9 

turne  &  tume  About  Rest  Easey  you  all  will  be  pleased  with  the 
present  king  give  time  all  did  I  say  Now  but  the  magor  part  foro 
fifths  at  lea»st, 

TBIOTHY  DEXTER 

Frinds  hear  me  2  granadears  goss  up  in  20  days  fourder  f rinds 
I  will  tell  the  A  tipe  of  man  kind  what  is  that  35  or  86  years  gone 
A  town  caled  Noubry  all  won  the  Younited  states  Noubry  peopel 
kept  to  gether  quiet  till  the  Larned  groed  strong  the  farmers  was 
1 2  out  of  20  thay  wanted  to  have  the  ofFesers  in  the  Contry  the 
Eaned  in  the  see  port  wanted  to  have  them  there  geering  A  Rose 
groued  warme  fite  thay  wood  in  Law  thay  went  the  Jnrel  Cort  to  ■" 
be  sot  of  finely  thay  go  there  Eands  Answered  the  see  port  caled 
Newbury  Port  600  Eakers  of  Land  out  of  thirty  thousand  Eakers 
of  good  Land  so  much  for  mad  peopel  of  Larning  makes  them  mad 
if  thay  had  kept  to  gether  they  wood  have  bin  the  sekent  town  in 
this  Stat  A  bout  halfe  of  boston  Now  men  mad  to  be  in  offess  it 
hurts  the  peopel  ot  Large  Like  Carying  the  Innegent  Lam  to  the 
slarter  Now  it  would  done  to  dewide  the  North  from  the  south  all 
won  what  I  have  Leade  down  but  now  keep  to  gether  it  is  Like 
man  and  wife  in  troue  Love  Now  guving  death  in  the  grander  you 
will  sous  the  glory  I  say  keep  to  gether  dont  brak  the  Chane  Re- 
noue  brotherle  Love  Never  fade  Like  my  box  in  my  garding  be 
one  grat  familey  give  way  to  one  A  Nother  thous  changes  is  the 
tide  hie  warter  &  Loue  warte  hie  tids  &  Loue  tids  for  my  part  I 
have  Liked  all  the  kings  all  three  all  our  broken  marchants  cant 
have  heaths  of  proffett  gone  and  till  the  ground  gone  to  work  is 
all  that  has  bin  to  Coleage  gone  with  slipers  and  promis  to  pay 
and  Never  pay  only  with  A  Lye  I  gess  4  fifths  is  Coleage  Lant  or 
devel  Lant  or  pretended  to  be  onnest  free  masions  but  are  to  the 
Contrey  for  give  me  for  gessing  I  hope  it  is  Not  so  the  Leaned  is 
for  Leovs  &  Littel  fishes  moses  was  but  A  man  and  Aaron  thay 
had  sum  devel  like  my  selfe  man  is^e  same  give  him  power  I 
say  the  Cloak  Cukement  maters  th^'\orst  of  cheats  we  hant  got 
ony  N  Port  wee  are  Noted  to  be  the  first  in  the  North  sabed  Day 
is  Not  halfe  A  Nuf  Night  meatens  it  maks  work  for  the  Docters 
and  Nuses  Caaching  Could  but  them  Lives  breed  fast  to  mak  up 
for  them  that  dies  poor  creaters  I  pitiey  them  so  preast  Riden  it  is 
wickard  to  leave  poor  sols  in  to  the  grave  all  our  minesters  are 
imported  Very  good  men  fouU  of  Love  of  Crist  I  kep  them  A  mit 
Amen  at  present. 


10 

The  yong  man  that  doth  most  all  my  Carving  his  work  is  much 
Liked  by  our  grat  men  I  felt  fonnney  one  day  I  thort  I  would  ask 
sade  young  man  whare  he  was  bone  he  sade  Now  whare  what  is  all 
that  Now  whare  was  your  mother  over  shaderd  I  says  my  mother 
was  if  I  was  to  gess  No  I  tell  in  Now  town  borne  o  on  the  water  I 
B^ys  you  beat  me  and  so  wee  Lafed  and  it  shuk  of  the  spleane 
shoue  him  A  Crows  Neast  he  can  carve  one  A  fine  fellow — I  shold 
had  all  maxbel  if  any  bodey  could  to  me  the  prise  so  I  have  sent 
for  8  busts  for  kings  and  grat  men  and  1  Lion  &  2  gray  hounds  I 
hope  to  hear  in  foue  Days  to  all  onnest  men 

TIMOTHY  DEXTEE. 

mister  printter  I  must  gone  sum  ft»urder  I  have  got  one  good  pen 
my  fortin  has  bin  hard  very  hard  that  is  I  have  hard  Noks  on  my 
head  4  difrent  times  from  A  boy  to  this  Day  twice  taken  up  for 
dead  two  beating  was  a  Lawyer  then  he  was  mad  be  Case  the 
peopel  at  Large  Declared  me  Lord  Dexter  king  of  Chester  this  at 
my  Contrey  sect  26  mils  from  N  Port  my  plase  there  is  the  fist 

from  solt  water  to  Canedy this  Lawyer  that  broused  me  was 

Judg  Livermore  son  Arther  the  same  Creator  borid  200  dolors 
sum  monts  be  fore  this  &  then  Oaded  me  he  beat  his  bene  factter 
it  has  bin  my  Luck  to  be  yoused  ten  times  wos  by  them  I  done 
the  most  for  I  have  Lost  first  and  Last  as  much  as  A  tun  of  silver 
grose  my  wife  that  was  had  400  wut  of  silver  Abraham  bishup 
that  married  my  dafter  ten  years  gone  him  &  shee  sence  then  & 
my  son  Samuel  L  Dexter  upwards  of  seventeene  thousand  Dolors 
the  Rest  by  hamsher  Col  by  Rougs  has  gokbey  sekkent  handed 
preasts  Deakens  gruntters  whimers  Every  foue  minuets  A  sith  or 
Christ  wee  must  be  Leave  in  Crist  o  o  Jeases  will  save  us  I  thinks 
sura  times  the  saving  solt  &  smoak  &  solt  peater  will  in  time  be 
very  dear  if  it  is  yous  the  more  smoak  or  the  preasts  will  be  out 
of  work  Littel  Like  fister  france  I  Lade  out  A  blan  to  have  holerdays 
one  Day  in  ten  24  years  gone  I  thort  it  would  save  the  Natision 
grat  Deale  of  money  sir  in  one  sentrey  then  the  preasts  wood  have 
time  to  studdery  then  hamer  Down  smartly  make  the  sulfFer  smoak 
in  their  Nostils  under  the  Cloak  of  bread  &  wine  the  hipecricks 
Cloven  foots  thay  Doue  it  to  get  power  to  Lie  and  Not  be  mis- 
truested  all  wars  mostly  by  the  suf  the  broken  marchents  are  fond 
of  war  for  thay  hant  Nothing  to  Lous  &  the  minesters  in  all  wars 
the  Case  o  god  Leave  the  Divel  out  when  it  is  all  Divel  If  you  can 


11 

lare  the  trouth  I  will  tell  the  trouth  man  is  the  best  Annemel  and 
the  worst  all  men  are  more  or  less  the  Divel  but  there  is  sit  of  ods 
sum  halfe  sum  three  qurters  the  other  part  beast  of  Difrent  kind 
of  beasts  sum  one  thing  and  sum  a  Nother  sum  Like  a  Dog  sum 
Lik  horses  sum  bare  sum  Cat  sum  Lion  sum  lik  ouls  sum  a  monkey 
sum  wild  Cat  sum  Lam  sum  A  Dove  sum  a  hogg  sum  a  oxe  sum 
a  snake  I  want  Desepons  to  be  Dun  A  way  but  thay  wont  Never 
be  as  Long  os  prist  Kid  en  what  Done  the  preast  prech  to  the  Divel 
for  all  there  hearaes  old  &  youn  more  or  Less  the  Divel  I  Liked 
to  sade  so  Divel  preaches  to  Divels  Rebouk  ing  sin  keep  it  up  up 
up  sayeth  the  hipacrits  mockers  of  god  habits  an  Costom  is  the  ods 
ods  maks  the  diffrence  I  sees  god  in  all  plases  the  god  of  Nater  in 
all  things  wee  Live  and  move  in  god  he  is  the  god  of  Nateer  all 
Nater  is  god  take  one  EUement  from  us  one  of  the  fore  take  the 
fier  or  the  water  or  or  Eare  or  Earth  wee  are  gone  so  wee  Live  in 
god  Now  Less  us  all  be  good  children  doue  all  things  Rite  the 
strong  must  bare  the  Infremiteys  of  the  wicked  shildren  keep  up 
tite  Laws  Draw  the  Ranes  Littel  harder  stop  theavs  as  fast  as  you 
ean  bad  trade  sheuuing  Nine  Numbers  was  Rot  in  23  owers  when 
I  had  hold  of  the  pen  five  owers  &  35  minuets  A  sort  ment  A  sort 

ment  is  good  in  A  shop 

^The  preasts  fixes  there  goods  six  days  then  thay  open  shop  on 
'  Sundays  to  sell  there  goods  sum  sets  them  of  better  than  others 
bolerhed  when  a  man  is  so  week  he  wont  doue  for  A  Lawyer  mak 
a  preast  of  hnn  for  week  thing  to  goue  with  week  things  the  bhnd 
to  Lead  the  blind  so  thay  may  fall  into  one  Dich  and  so  thay  goue 
throne  the  world  darkiness  but  foue  peopel  have  A  pinion  of  there 
one  Not  one  in  twenty  as  to  this  world  goods  and  so  it  is  as  to  the 
other  world  to  Inquire  the  way  goue  to  a  fryer  our  peopel  A  bout 
the  same  thing  only  call  it  sumthing  Else  in  Rum  of  a  king  call  it 
presedent  but  preasts  have  money  to  save  sols  I  want  to  know  what 
a  sole  is  I  wish  to  see  one  Not  a  gizard  I  thinks  the  sole  is  the 
thinking  part  there  is  grat  minds  fe  Littel  mmds  grat  sols  &  Littel 
sols  grat  minds  &  littel  minds  According  to  the  hevdey  boddeys 
that  has  the  power  of  our  boddeys  the  same  mother  and  the  same 
father  and  six  children  how  thay  will  differ  in  Looks  complexions 
and  axons  sum  for  grat  thing  sum  for  littel  things  sumthing  Nouw 
I  say  I  say  my  figers  will  pay  Intress  money  prove  it  first  going 
over  my  brige  sum  more  tole  then  helping  the  markett  of  the  town 
Leeting  hoses  tavern  keepers  costom  the  honner  to  the  town  & 
my  sett  TIMOTHY  DEXTER, 


12 

one  thing  fourder  I  have  bin  convai-ted  upwards  30  years  quite 
Resined  for  the  day  the  grat  day  I  wish  the  preast  Node  as  much 
as  I  think  I  done  there  harts  would  Leap  up  to  glory  to  be  sa 
Reader  for  the  time  of  Rejoisng  to  goue  to  gone  to  be  maried  to 
what  a  fine  widow  with  hur  lamp  bourning  the  Lamps  trimed  with 
glorey  the  shaking  quickers  after  thay  git  convarted  and  there  sins 
washed  A  way  thay  stay  at  home  &  Let  theus  goue  unclene  and 
so  it  is  much  so  with  me  I  stay  at  home  praying  for  theavs  and 
Rougs  to  be  saved  Day  and  Night  praying  for  siners  poour  creaters 
my  hous  keeper  is  in  the  dark  was  then  bad  Crasey  to  be  saved 
shee  says  shoe  has  sind  against  the  holey  gost  I  have  Asked  her 
what  is  shee  says  it  is  sumthing  but  cant  find  out  way  sends  for 
the  preast  coms  what  is  the  mater  gost  gost  Dear  sir  &  the  minester 
makes  a  prayer  the  gost  went  of  mostly  not  all  part  stayed  behind 
shee  has  bin  Crasey  Ever  sence  the  prest  cant  Lay  the  sepont  houe 
many  Nick  Names  three  things  have  so  sayeth  the  preacher  Amen 
Amen  see  fath  I  du 


None  mister  printer  sir  I  was  at  Noue  haven  7  years  and  severe 
monts  past  at  commencent  Degrees  going  on  40  boys  was  tuck 
degrees  to  done  good  or  Not  good  the  ole  man  with  the  hat  on  told 
them  to  suddey  houeman  Nater  &  walk  as  A  band  of  brothers  from 
that  day  I  thort  that  all  thous  that  was  baot  up  to  Coleage  the 
meaning  was  to  git  there  Liveing  out  of  the  Labeer  If  the  Coleages 
was  to  eontiner  one  sentrey  &  keep  up  the  game  reckon  the  cost  of 
All  from  there  cradel  to  22  years  old  all  there  fathers  and  gurd 
inands  to  Lay  out  one  houndred  years  intress  &  intress  upon  intress 
atress  gess  at  it  &  cast  it  see  houe  many  houndred  thousand  millons 
of  Dolors  it  would  Com  to  to  mad  Rougs  and  theavs  to  plunder 
the  Laboring  man  that  sweats  to  git  his  bread  good  common  Laning 
is  the  best  sum  good  books  is  best  well  under  stoud  be  onnest  dont 
be  preast  Riden  it  is  a  cheat  all  be  onnest  in  all  things  Now  feare 
Let  this  goue  as  you  find  it  my  way  speling  houe  is  the  strangest 
man  T  DEXTER 

fourder  mister  for  A  minester  to  git  the  tone  is  a  grat  pint  when 
I  lived  in  hamsher  one  Noue  Lit  babstis  babler  sobed  A  way  just 
fineshing  his  sermon  he  says  o  good  Lord  I  hop  you  will  eonsider 


13 

wliat  foue  hints  I  have  given  and  I  will  cleare  it  up  sum  time 
hence  I  am  much  wore  down  now  the  wether  being  very  worme 
to  day  Less  bray  &  so  went  on  fire  fire  &  brimstone  &  grunting 
&  fithing  and  tried  to  cry  &  snufel  &  blow  the  sconks  home  & 
sum  the  old  souls  &  yong  fouls  sot  to  crying  I  tuck  my  hat  and 
went  out  houe  mankind  &  women  kind  is  imposed  upon  all  over 
the  world  more  or  less  by  preavSt  craft  o  for  shame  o  for  shame  I 
pittey  them  be  onncst  done  as  you  would  wish  others  to  done  unto 
you  in  all  things  Now  fear  of  Death  Amen  T  D'r 

fourder  what  difrent  wous  wee  have  of  this  world  &  the  other 
world  two  good  women  Lived  in  A  town  whare  I  once  lived  one 
was  sick  of  a  consumson  Near  Death  both  belonged  to  the  Church 
very  onnest  only  the  well  w^oman  was  week  in  wous  &  thing  says 
unto  the  sik  woman  I  thinks  you  will  see  my  housbon  doue  tell 
him  I  and  my  son  A  greus  very  well  and  wee  are  all  well  and  the 
«ow  is  piged  and  got  seaven  prittey  pigs  and  fare  you  well  sister 
this  I  beleave  is  sertiug  troue  &  so  fare  the  well — I  shall  com  A 
gane  in  Littel  while 

and  fourdermoi^  I  am  for  sum  foue  Decephons  but  very  foue 
fouer  then  Deathe  preast  craft  is  very  good  for  what  to  make  old 
women  gront  and  yong  children  cry  and  old  fouls  fling  snort  o  ye's 
and  brak  up  farimeys  Doun  by  untrouths  Lying  and  swaring  to  A 
Lye  stop  I  am  a  Live  old  me  I  have  heard  your  wickard  stuff  you 
have  ingerd  my  frinds  a  plenty  and  if  you  dont  stop  I  will  call 
forth  one  Abraham  bishup  to  put  Niklos  and  all  that  trys  to  keep 
up  Lying  if  there  should  be  any  such  stuf  in  the  Land  Church 
members  pant  to  be  fonnd  of  Desepchon  thay  are  perfect  but  if 
there  is  any  put  them  with  the  tufe  bourne  the  Roubege  pise  on 
it  or  that  feare  Not  wind  or  filth  go  by  the  Ilackel  breed  and  wog 
then  tourd  I  Like  to  sade  Now  shite  stink  strong  bread  &  wine 
master  botill  houe  is  the  boull  a  black  man  a  frind  to  John  mekel 
jentel  man  from  A  Crows  Nest  Whare  Now  where  ass  Cole  cole 
ass  whare  whare  Now  whare  o  yefs  sum  whare  deare  oilen  Now 
the  Ingons  Lived  there  onle  that  Cant  be  he  was  from  hell  whare 
his  or  was  brother  came  from  oyes  oyess  o  yess  a  Crows  Neast  <3T 
orgen  pouler  Down 


FROM  THE  MUSEUM   Olf 

TIMOTHY  DEXTER,  ESa. 

Ime  the  first  Lord  in  the  younited  States  of  A  mercary  Now  of 
Newburyport  it  is  the  voise  of  the  peopel  and  I  cant  Help  it  and 
to  Let  it  gone  Now  as  I  must  be  Lord  there  will  foler  many  more 
Lords  prittey  soune  for  it  Dont  hurt  A  Cat  Nor  the  mouse  Nor 
,  the  son  Nor  the  water  Nor  the  Eare  then  goue  on  all  in  Easey 
Now  bons  broaken  all  is  well  all  in  Love  Now  I  be  gin  to  Lay  the 
Corner  ston  with  grat  Eemembrence  of  my  father  Jorge  Washing- 
ton the  grate  herow  17  sentreys  past  before  we  found  so  good  A 
father  to  his  children  and  Now  gone  to  Rest  Now  to  shoue  my 
Love  to  my  father  and.  grate  Carieters  I  will  shoue  the  world  one 
of  the  grate  Wonders  of  the  world  in  15  months  if  Now  man 
mourders  me  in  Dors  or  out  Dors  such  A  mouserum  on  Earth  will 
annonce  0  Lord  thou  knowest  to  be  troue  fourder  hear  me  good 
Lord  I  am  A  goueing  to  Let  or  shildren  know  Now  to  see  good 
Lord  what  has  bin  in  the  world  grat  wase  back  to  own  fore  fathers 
Not  old  plimeth  but  stop  to  Addom  &  Eve  to  shoue  45  figers  two 
Leged  and  fore  Leged  becose  we  Cant  Done  well  without  fore  Legd 
in  the  first  plase  they  are  our  foude  in  the  Next  plase  to  make  out 
Dexters  mouseum  I  wants  4  Lions  to  defend  thous  grat  and  mistry 
men  from  East  to  wist  from  North  to  South  which  Now  are  at 
the  plases  Rased  the  Lam  is  Not  Readey  in  short  meaterif  Agreabel 
I  forme  A  good  and  peasabel  govement  on  my  Land  in  Newburyport 
Compleat  I  take  3  presedents  hamsher  govener  all  to  None  York 
and  the  grate  mister  John  Jay  is  one,  that  maks  2  in  that  state  the 
king  of  grat  britton  mister  pitt  Roufus  King  Cros  over  to  france 
Loues  the  16  and  then  the  grate  bonnepartey  the  grate  and  there 
segnetoure  Crow  biddey — I  Command  pease  and  the  gratest  broth- 
erly Love  and  Not  fade  be  Linked  to  gether  with  that  best  of  troue 
Love  so  as  to  govern  all  nasions  on  the  fass  of  the  gloub  not  to 
tiranize  over  them  but  to  put  them  to  order  if  any  Despout  shall  A 
Rise  as  to  -boundreys  or  Any  maturs  of  Importence  it  is  Left  france 
vnd  grat  britton  and  Amacarey  to  be  setteled  A  Congress  to  be 
liiways  in  france  all  Despouts  is  to  be  thare  seteled  and  this  may  be 
UvHi  this  will  balless  powers  and  then  all  wars  Dun  A  way  there 


16 

fore  I  have  the  Lam  to  lay  Dow  with  the  Lion  Now  this  may  be  Dun 
if  thos  three  powers  would  A  geray  to  Lay  what  is  called  Devel 
one  side  and  Not  Carry  the  gentelman  pack  hors  Any  longer  but 
shake  him  off  as  dust  on  your  feet  and  Laff  at  him  there  is  a  grate 
noise  aboute  a  tone  Leged  Creter  he  says  I  am  going  to  set  sade 
black  Divel  there  stop  he  would  scare  the  womans  so  there  would  be 
No  youse  for  the  bilding  I  should  have  to  E  rect  sum  None  won 
Now  I  stop  hear  I  puts  the  Devil  Long  with  the  bull  for  he  is  a 
bulling  2  Leged  Annemal  stop  put  him  one  side  Near  Soloman 
Looking  with  Soloman  to  Ladey  venus  Now  stop  wind  up  there 
is  grat  ods  in  froute  I  will  Let  you  know  the  sekret  houe  you  may 
see  the  Devel  stand  on  your  head  before  a  Loucking  glass  and 
take  a  bibel  in  to  your  bousom  feist  40  owers  and  look  in  the  loucking 
glass  there  is  no  Devilif  you  dont  see  the  ould  fellow  but  I  affirm 
you  will  see  that  ould  Devel 

Unto  you  all  mankind  Com  to  my  hous  to  mock  and  sneare  whi 
ye  Dont  you  Lafe  be  fore  god  or  I  meane  your  betters  think  the 
heir  power  Dont  know  thorts  and  Axsions  Now  I  will  tell  you  good 
and  bad  it  is  Not  pelite  to  Com  to  see  what  the  bare  walls  keep 
of  my  ground  if  you  are  gentel  men  you  would  stay  Away  when 
all  is  Dun  in  marble  I  expect  to  gone  out  myself  to  Help  if  thous 
grat  men  will  send  on  there  Likeness  all  over  the  younited  States 
I  wish  all  the  printers  to  give  Notis  if  pleases  to  in  form  by  printen 
in  the  Nouspapers  for  the  good  of  the  holl  of  man  kind 

I  waus  to  make  my  Enemys  grin  in  time  Lik  A  Cat  over  a  hot 
puding  and  gone  Away  and  hang  there  heads  Doun  Like  a  Dogg 
bin  After  sheep  gilty  stop  see  I  am  Afrade  I  Kite  tone  hash  my 

peopel  Complane  of  backkor  spittel  maks  work  to  Cleane  it  up 

in  the  women  skouls  A  bout  it  spit  in  ther  hankershif  or  not  spit  A 
tall  I  must  say  sumthing  or  I  should  say  Nothing  therefore  make 
sum  Noise  in  the  world  wlien  I  git  so  ouely  to  Nash  my  goms  and 
grisingfor  water  and  that  is  salt  water  whenbrot  A  yong  Devel  to 
bring  it  and  A  Scoyer  to  wjite  and  tend  on  gentelmen  A  black  Suier 
his  breth  Smelt  wos  then  })ram  stone  by  far  but  Let  the  Devel  goue 
in  to  Darknes  an  takeld  hi:>  due  to  Descare  mankind  for  A  Littel 
while  this  Cloven  foot  is  seen  be  sum  but  the  trap  will  over  hall  the 
Devel  in  tim  I  pittey  this  poore  black  man  I  thine  his  master  wants 
purging  a  Littel  to  har  ber  mr  Devel  A  most  but  I  did  Not  say 
Let  him  Run  A  way  good  Nit  mr  Devel  Cary  the  sword  and 
mwney  with  you  tak  John  mekel  Jentel  man  good  Not 

T  DEXTER 


16 

THIS  COMETH  GREETING 

mister  printers  the  Igrent  or  the  Nowing  wons  says  I  ort  to 
Doue  as  thay  doue  to  keep  up  Cheats  or  the  same  thing  Desephons 
to  Deseave  the  Igrent  so  wee  may  Cheat  and  Likewise  have  wars 
and  plunder  my  wish  is  all  Liers  may  have  there  part  of  fier  and 
brimstone  in  this  world  or  at  least  sum  part  of  it  or  Else  the 
gouement  is  Not  good  it  will  want  pourging  soone  if  A  Lawyer 
is  to  way  Lay  a  man  and  brouse  him  unmassely  All  most  to  Death 
A  sitteson  that  pays  twentey  fore  Dolors  for  Careags  and  not  more 
then  one  Dolor  A  week  to  ment  the  hiways  and  my  being  Libperel 
is  in  part  of  this  bloddey  Afare  No  sauage  would  beat  a  man  as  I 
was  beaten  almost  to  Death  I  Did  not  know  houe  these  men  Came 
to  keep  sade  Lawyer  from  quit  killing  of  me  till  sum  time  After 
three  men  saw  the  Axon  of  the  blodey  seene  without  massey  and 
carried  sade  Dexter  in  to  the  house  sun  fanting  or  Neare  to  se 
and  behold  the  orful  site  bleading  and  blind  of  one  Eye  twoue 
brousings  in  two  hours  at  Least  Now  Laws  in  this  part  of  the 
world  for  A  man  of  money  to  Live  those  I  lend  money  to  and  A 
Lawyer  and  others  thay  youse  me  the  west  it  maks  Inemys  then 
these  Hogs  if  there  is  Any  that  call  me  A  souU  and  pick  a  Qualrel 
with  me  A  bout  my  Nous  papers  so  as  to  pay  the  Lawyer  Craft 
to  make  up  the  molton  Calf  A  molton  Calfe  Not  an  Ox  Now  the 
town  of  Chester  has  Lost  two  Hundred  wate  of  Siver  at  Least 
I  beleuv  more  money  Now  thay  may  have  me  in  the  town  or  A 
Lawyer  Chouse  for  yourselves  my  frinds  and  felow  mortels  pease 
be  with  you  All  A  men  selagh  finely  brethren  sum  thing  more 
Coming TIMOTHY  DEXTER 

Chester,  Sept.  29,  1796. 


For  the  Impartial  Herald. 
Messrs.  Blunt  S^  March, 

I  say  to  whom  it  may  concern — ^to  the  majesty  of  the  people  of 
Newburyport,  Greeting — 

It  costs  Eight  hundred  Dollars  a  year  to  support  a  watch  in  this 
town,  and  yer  gdutlemen's  windows  are  broken,  fences  pulled  down 
and  Cellars  broken  open,  and  much  other  misdemeanors  done  at 
night.  Are  the  watch  asleep,  or  are  they  afraid  to  detect  those 
who  are  guilty  of  such  practises  ?  Boast  not  of  it  if  you  call  this 
Liberty  and  E(][uality.     Newburyport  has  had  the  name  of  being 


17 

a  very  civil  worthy  place ;  it  is  a  great  pity  some  bad  boys  or  young 
men  should  disgrace  it.  I  hope  our  worthy  and  honorable  rulers 
will  bring  those  rude  lads  to  see  themselves  and  lick  the  dust  like 
serpents,  and  ask  forgiveness  of  their  betters,  and  do  so  no  more, 
but  repent  and  live. 

Now  fellow  citizens '  is  it  wisdom,  is  it  policy,  to  use  a  man  or 
men  so  shocking  bad  as  to  obhge  them  to  leave  the  town  where 
they  paid  one  Dollar  a  day  to  support  government  ? 

A  friend  to  good  order,  honor  to  whom  it  belongs — to  great  men 
a  friend — to  all  good  citizens  and  honest  men  good  bye. 


Whereas  many  philosophers  has  judged  or  guessed  at  many 
thmgs  about  this  world,  and  so  on.  Now  I  suppose  I  may  guess, 
as  it  is  guessing  times.  I  guess  the  world  is  one  very  large  living 
creature,  and  always  was,  and  always  will  be  without  any  end  from 
everlasting  to  everlasting,  and  no  end.  What  grows  on  this  large 
creature  is  trees  and  many  other  things.  In  the  room  of  hair  the 
rocks  is  moulds.  This  is  called  land  where  the  hair  grows,  the 
belly  the  sea — all  kinds  of  fish  is  the  worms  in  the  belly.  This 
large  body  wants  dressing  to  get  our  living  of  this  creature  and  by 
industry  we  get  a  living — we  and  all  the  animal  creation  is  less  than 
fleas  in  comparison  on  the  back  or  belly  of  this  very  large  immense 
body.  Among  the  hairs  to  work  this  great  body  is  that  of  nature, 
past  finding  out. — All  we  know  is  we  are  here,  we  come  into  the 
world  crying  and  go  out  groaning.  Mankind  is  the  master  beast 
on  the  earth — in  the  sea,  the  whale  is  the  head  fish — ^the  minim  is 
the  smallest  fish — the  great  fish  eat  up  the  little  ones,  and  so  not 
only  destroy  one  another,  but  they  are  master  over  the  whole  of 
beasts  and  fish,  even  over  a  lion,  therefore  man  is  the  masterly  beast 
and  the  worst  of  the  whole — they  know  the  most,  and  act  the  worst 
according  to  what  they  know.  Seeing  mankind  so  bad  by  nature, 
I  think  when  the  candle  goes  out,  men  and  women  is  done,  they 
will  lay  as  dirt  or  rocks  till  the  great  gun  fires,  and  when  that  goes 
off  the  gun  will  be  so  large  that  the  gun  will  contain  nine  hundred 
million  tons  of  the  best  of  good  powder,  then  that  will  shake  and 
bring  all  the  bones  together,  then  the  world  will  be  to  an  end.  All 
fciudig  of  music  will  be  going  on,  funding  systems  will  be  laid  aside, 
2 


18 

the  melody  will  be  very  great.  Now  why  cant  you  all  believe  the 
above  written  as  well  as  many  other  things  to  be  true ;  as  well  as 
what  was  set  forth  in  the  last  Centinel  concerning  digging  up  a  frog 
twenty  five  feet  below  the  surface,  where  it  was  most  a^  hard  as  a 
rock — there  was  his  shape  like  taking  a  stone  out  of  a  rock — ^This 
is  from  a  minister.     Now  why  wont  you  believe  me  as  well. 


WONDER  OF  WONDERS! 


How  great  the  soul  Is !  Do  not  you  all  wonder  &  admire  to  see 
and  behold  and  hear  ?  Can  you  all  believe  half  the  truth,  and 
admire  to  hear  the  wonders  how  great  the  soul  is — only  behold — 
past  finding  out !  Only  see  how  large  the  soul  is  ! — ^that  if  a  man 
is  drowned  in  the  sea,  what  a  great  bubble  comes  up  out  of  the  top 
of  the  water  !  the  last  of  the  man  dying  imder  water — this  is  wind 
— is  the  soul  that  is  the  last  to  ascend  out  of  the  deep  to  glory — 
it  is  the  breath  from  on  high  doth  go  on  high  to  glory.  The  bubble 
is  the  soul.  A  young  fellow's  for  gunning  for  the  good  of  bodies 
and  souls. 


My  frinds  &  felow  mortals  there  is  A  first  Cose  of  all  things  most 
Comle  so  it  Came  to  pass  that  one  Abraham  bish  up  got  A  qanted 
with  my  Dafter — shee  A  babey  he  Old  in  Eage  and  Laming  and 
Colage  Lant  &  Lawyer  Lant  and  preast  Lant  and  masonik  Lant 
and  Divel  Lant  he  was  then  Nothing  as  for  Cash  he  being  A  fox 
and  A  old  fox  he  was  After  the  graps  he  tasted  of  them  he  Cryed 
out  fewer  this  Anne  meal  sent  my  Dafter  home  he  sad  A  b  did  Not 
git  all  the  Lovs  &  Littel  fishes  but  got  A  part  and  Now  9  years 
[  have  Now  had  my  Dafter  Crasey  in  &  by  the  Cose  of  this  wild 
A  &  b  hell  on  Earth  o  o  pittey  me  All  good  felow  mortels  sade 
Creater  A  b  mad  with  Laming  &  as  pour  as  A  snake  and  as  proud 
is  Lousfer  he  sade  his  father  was  worth  twenty  thosand  Dolors  & 
be  was  Not  more  than  five  thousand  Dolors  he  send  for  bishup  bass 
to  be  mared  befor  dublessed  &  Insisted  to  be  maried  he  says  Daxter 
QQay  Crye  them  Down  in  the  Lore  Reogon  After  sum  time  thay 
got  published  then  he  in  sisted  Not  to  have  Any  witness  went  and 


19 

bid  finly  my  gost  my  wife  that  was  the  gost  13  yearst  Last  march 
thay  where  maried  I  was  maried  to  the  gost  thirtey  five  Last  may 
I  have  bin  in  hell  all  the  time  more  so  sence  Abraham  bishup  got 
in  to  my  house  he  hurt  me  and  familey  one  tun  of  silver  it  was  the 
Cose  of  my  parting  with  mis  Dexter  Now  I  Am  free  Now  for  A 
wife  that  has  A  sole  the  gost  was  A  gisard  &  A  Cose  all  Eound 
her  A  b  striking  my  Dafter  on  hur  side  as  shee  swares  to  grat 
Lawyer  Dexter  and  to  many  others  I  be  Leave  it  that  knows  the 
trouth  the  bloue  he  gave  hur  on  the  side  shee  had  to  put  plasters  on 
her  side  Neare  three  years  when  Likker  is  in  the  wit  is  scattered 
A  b  is  the  beast  or  Greater  two  Leged  Conekett  bouU  short  Nek 
boull  head  thik  hare  big  sholders  black  Corlley  hare  he  wants  to  be 
A  god  but  what  I  sot  sade  Creator  Down  at  short  A  quatence  I 
Can  prove  it  my  selfe  by  men  of  the  sekent  magentoude  my  gesing 
'  of  the  Creater  it  tourned  out  According  to  my  gessing  and  when 
I  see  my  father  the  grat  good  man  father  Thomas  gefsion  I  will 
Let  the  Cat  out  of  the  bag  and  give  Lite  to  the  blind  sade  A  b  will 
Done  for  sum  ofFess  Everye  Annemel  will  Doue  for  sumthing  A  b 
will  mak  a  midling  good  CAMP  COLLEMON  A  thing  hier  if  I 
am  a  Roug  in  grane  so  be  it  A  Lepard  Cant  Alter  hur  spots  Nor 
beaver  wont  groue  on  A  houk  back  I  be  Leave  if  my  father  the 
presente  koue  the  holl  trouth  of  A  b  treatment  to  my  Dafter  from 
her  mouth  the  grat  man  woul  shead  tears  with  greafe  and  all  good 
peopel  Like  wise  shocking  is  the  A  fare 

I  am  TIMOTHY  DEXTEB 


^  To  man  kmd  at  Large  I  Never  had  the  honour  to  be  Long  I 
meane  to  that  onerabel  mesonek  Order  I  Noked  once  once  twise 
three  times  &  the  gohst  Apeared  sade  thou  shall  Not  ent^r  be  Cose 
I  have  tone  much  knowledge  in  my  head — I  sopose  had  I  bin  one 
then  should  bin  to  keep  open  Dors  for  thives  &  Robers  I  have 
Rougs  plentey  without  keeping  tavern  I  Dont  wont  Now  Abrahams 
Nor  Ajiey  of  the  order  only  fict  Ladeys  mared  and  gi-at  gen  til  men 
that  belongs  out  of  the  town  mared  peopol  and  fine  widders  I  wish 
to  see  with  pleasur  for  I  wonts  to  marey  A  fine  wider  for  I  hant 
had  Now  wife  for  thirteene  years  Next  orgest  I  gave  the  gost  fore 
hundred  wate  of  silver  to  quit  the  state  grat  Lawyer  passons  the 
gient  of  the  Law  Rote  the  Contract  the  Cose  of  it  was  that  mis. 


20 

Dexter  that  was  would  have  my  Dafter  marey  to  A  bishup  Cosed 
the  A  greement  the  sole  Cose  she  has  two  trousteays  which  have 
the  money  to  deal  out  the  intress  and  shee  is  so  ginress  shee  bys 
hur  Neadels  I  bys  the  pins  &  sisers  k  all  things  Else  shee  Leaves 
the  in  tress  in  the  hands  of  the  trosteys  I  must  have  A  Companon 
80un  good  by  all  At  present  with  glorey 

TIMOTHY  DEXTER 

I  ask  for  giveness  of  the  world  of  mankind  for  teling  the  trouth 
I  meane  No  hurt  to  A  flie  only  when  he  bits  me  then  I  kils  the 
flye  if  I  can  I  have  bin  my  one  tromter  fore  teene  years  my  tromter 
is  Dead  my  haveing  so  many  wounds  in  fas  and  on  my  head  I  Doue 
it  to  make  a  good  Lafe  to  keep  my  sperets  from  sinking  pittey  me 
all  good  peopel  A  men 

and  fourder  I  maried  widder  frothingham  shee  had  fore  Children 
the  holl  of  all  there  stats  was  short  of  thirteene  houndred  Dolors 
this  woman  groed  mad  shee  sade  shee  must  gone  to  hell  gone  ferting 
for  I  have  fined  A  ganst  the  holey  goast  un  pardinbell  sin  shee  was 
for  making  way  with  hur  selfe  in  three  monts  I  got  the  best  minister 
m  town  to  Lay  the  gost  he  prayed  hartey  but  Could  Not  Laye  the 
serpent  only  in  part  shee  has  bin  Cracey  Every  sence  it  is  A  wonder 
I  am  A  Live  two  children  suked  hur  brest — ^it  is  heretarey  two 
Children  maried  now  Live  upon  me  being  disorded  thay  beat  me 
©ffen  with  Death  Cloube  &  the  old  gost  tone  bad  to  say  I  be  silent 
under  Eerkoumstanes  I  mus  Cout  &  Roum  sell  the  one  of  the  first 
plases  all  most  in  the  world  for  I  am  in  grat  fear  of  my  Life  being 
taken  A  way  such  blows  I  have  had  from  tone  or  three  gost  in  my 
familey  is  worth  twelve  hundred  hoxets  of  geamator  best  shouger» 
Even  A  saxton  to  take  the  blows  I  wodent  for  fifty  milon  DoUorg 
words  cant  Express  the  bloddey  war  in  my  familey  three  gosts  all 
Noys  Robing  of  me  T  must  sell  with  tears  in  my  Eys  I  Cant  se« 
lo  Rit«  Aany  more  fare  well  I  say  good  bye        T  DEXTER 


21 

How  Did  Dexter  make  his  money  Inw  ye  says  bying  whale  bono 
for  stain  for  ships  in  grosing  three  houndred  &  40  tuns  bort  all  in 
boston  saluin  and  all  in  None  york  under  Cover  oppenly  told  them 
for  my  ships  thay  all  Lafed  so  I  had  at  my  one  prise  I  had  four 
Oouning  men  for  Ilouners  thay  gouned  the  home  as  I  told  them  to 
Act  the  fool  I  was  fouU  of  Cash  I  had  Nine  tim  of  filver  on  hand 
at  that  time  all  that  time  the  Creators  more  or  Less  Lafing  it  spread 
very  fast  heare  is  the  Rub  in  fifty  Days  thay  smelt  A  Rat  found 
whare  it  was  gone  to  Nouebry  Port  speklaters  swarmed  Like  hell 
houns  to  be  short  with  it  I  made  seventey  five  per  sent  one  tun  and 
halfe  of  silver  and  over  one  more  spect  Drole  A  Nouf  I  Dreamed 
of  warming  pans  three  Nits  that  thay  would  doue  in  the  west  ingad 
I  got  not  more  than  fortey  two  thousand  put  them  in  Nine  vessele 

for  difrent  ports  that  tuck  good  hold 1  cleared  sevinty  nine 

per  sent the  pans  thay  mad  yous  of  them  for  Coucking  very 

good  master  for  Coukey  blessed  good  in  Deade  missey  got  Nise 
handed  Now  bourn  my  fase  the  best  thing  I  Ever  see  in  borne  days 
I  found  I  was  very  luckkey  m  spekkelasion  I  Dreamed  that  the 
good  book  was  Run  Down  in  this  Countrey  Nine  years  gone  so 
Low  az  halfe  prise  and  Dull  at  that  the  bibbel  I  means  I  had  the 
Readey  Cash  by  holl  sale  I  bort  twelve  per  sent  under  halfe  prise 
thay  Cost  forty  one  sents  Each  bibels  twenty  one  thousand  I  put 
them  into  twenty  one  vessels  for  the  westinges  and  sent  A  text  that 
all  of  them  must  have  one  bibel  in  Every  familey  or  if  not  thay 
would  gone  to  hell  and  if  thay  had  Dun  wiked  flie  to  the  bibel  and 
on  thare  Neas  and  kiss  the  bibel  three  times  and  Look  up  to  heaven 
Annest  for  giveness  my  Capttens  all  had  Compleat  orders  heare 
Corns  the  good  Luck  I  made  one  hundred  per  sent  &  Littel  over 
then  I  found  I  had  made  money  A  Nuf  I  hant  speck  A  Lated 
sence  old  times  by  goverment  secourties  I  made  or  cleared  forty 
seven  thousands  Dolors  that  is  the  old  A  fare  Now  I  toald  the  all 
the  sekrett  Now  be  still  Let  me  A  Lone  Dont  wonder  Now  more 
houe  I  got  my  money  boaz  T  DEXTER 


Now  to  all  onnest  men  to  pittey  me  that  I  have  bin  in  hell :  35 
years  in  this  world  with  the  gost  A  woman  I  maried  and  have  two 
Children  Now  Liveing  Abram  bishup  mared  my  Dafter  sence  the 
troubel  is  such  that  words  Cant  be  Exprexed  Nine  years  disorded 


22  . 

for  a  tun  of  silver  for  three  months  I  could  Not  have  the  gost  in 
my  pallas  sleep  Not  have  to  be  had  Now  to  save  my  Life  I  will  sell 
if  Not  I  will  Let  the  house  it  is  as  Netted  as  Any  hous  in  the  oile 
shouls  and  furder  in  the  world  or  sence  Noers  Arke  &  sence  the 
floud  taking  in  my  self  finly  such  A  plase  No  whare  in  the  world 
all  gous  with  it  hoses  chareags  all  but  plate  &  gouels  A  Reserve 
the  holey  bybel  and  one  bouck  more  my  old  head  has  wore  out  three 
boddeys  it  would  take  a  journey  of  Docters  one  our  to  find  and 
Count  the  scars  on  my  head  given  by  the  goust  &  others  Amen 

T DEXTER 
Joune  12-  1805     Clean  trouth 


m  I  say  the  grate  mister  Divel  that  has  so  maney  Nick  Names  a 
frind  to  the  preasts  Now  is  dead  all  and  the  pope  Likewise  and  the 
founders  of  mesonic  A  Cheat  foull  of  war  and  gratness  of  hell  Dead 
preasts  Dead  and  Lawyers  Damede  Deade  A  braham  b  bi  Ass  Dead 
and  All  the  frinds  of  mankind  sings  prasses  that  wee  are  the  grat 
familey  of  mankind  Now  out  of  hell  Deleured  from  fire  and  smoak 
bouming  for  Ever  Now  all  in  heaven  uppon  Earth  Now  all  frinds 
Now  for  A  Day  of  Regoising  all  over  the  world  as  one  grate  familey 
all  Nasions  to  be  ounited  No  more  wars  for  fifty  years  and  Longer 
I  Recommend  pease  A  Congress  in  franco  and  when  wee  are  Ripe 
for  A  Emper  in  this  Contrey  Call  for  me  to  take  the  helm  or  a 
Consler  in  the  A  fare  of  trouth     Amen  and  Amen 

TIMOTHY  DEXTER 
P  S — one  thing  further  I  happened  not  to  think  of  that  grate 
Creature  which  some  fools  Call  the  Coast  and  others  say  that  he  is 
wanted — But  I  thing  that  it  will  be  of  searviceto  let  the  Thanttron 
Dye  T  DEXTER 


^  Scarting  trouths  fortey  six  years  gone  old  french  war  to  git  men 
and  Lads  to  List  the  prests  told  them  thay  would  Live  as  Long  as 
if  thay  staed  at  home  for  Every  boulitt  had  its  Commison  from  the 
Lord  he  directed  them  one  time  when  old  good  mister  Emmerson 
had  A  gurnemon  to  preach  I  heard  him  say  for  Addom  sin  there 
was  Now  in  hell  milons  of  milons  of  Children  Not  more  than  A 


23 

»pan  Long  all  this  is  trouc  and  when  there  was  a  A  Drouth  most 
over  thay  would  Call  A  fast  and  pray  very  Annest  for  the  bottels 
of  heaven  to  be  on  Corked  so  the  liane  mit  Com  Down  the  minester 
did  Not  say  how  Larg  thay  whare  I  gess  they  held  five  hundred 
hoxetts  Each 

1805  may  27  TIMOTHY  DEXTER 


•  Trouth  I  afirme  I  am  so  much  of  A  foule  the  Rougs  want  to  git 
my  Jouels  &  Loavs  &  Littel  fishes  without  my  Leave  Leave  is  Lit 
thay  all  Caled  me  A  fouU  forty  years  Now  I  will  Call  all  fouls  but 
onnes  men  Now  to  brove  me  A  foull  I  Never  Could  sing  Nor  play 
Cards  Nor  Dance  Nor  tell  A  Long  storey  Nor  play  on  Any  mouskel 
Nor  pray  Nor  make  A  pen  when  I  was  young  I  Could  play  on  A 
Jous  harp  it  would  mak  my  mouth  warter  and  the  Ladeys  sumthing 
warter  gess  what  I  sade  Nothing  A  good  Lafe  is  beter  than  Crying 
A  Clam  will  Cry  And  warter  wen  thay  are  out  of  there  EUemen 
so  wee  the  same  if  I  had  Not  the  gost  in  my  house  I  would  I  mean 
give  Lite  to  my  brothers  &  sisters  and  have  A  pease  all  over  the 
world  and  beat  the  trouthe  into  my  frinds  houe  goud  it  is  houe 
onnest  it  would  be  and  houe  man  kind  has  bin  in  posed  upon  &  • 
houe  thay  have  bin  blinded  with  untrouths  gosts  and  mister  Divels 
there  is  Now  None  of  that  order  all  Lye  the  mesonek  if  thay  wilt 
make  a  book  of  trouth  I  will  give  the  Creators  but  I  will  take  the 
Chare  and  put  my  frind  bonne  partey  on  my  Rte  hand  And  the 
grat  ginrel  meroue  on  my  Left  hand  A  Nuf  to  give  the  sword  is 
in  the  banks^A  Emper  only  be  still  I  will  take  the  helm  in  Love  I 
am  A  quaker  No  blod  spiled  all  in  the  Love  of  A  Emper  you  will 
liave  in  fortey  years  I  may  Com  back  &  see  houe  you  all  gone  on 
&  what  you  ware  when  the  gost  is  gone  and  mister  Divel  pease 
on  Earth  be  fore  I  will  have  a  war  in  my  Day  I  will  be  your  frind 
the  Emper  and  if  I  want  help  I  will  Call  my  frind  boneypartey  and 
gorge  the  third  &  Dewide  the  Lose  Now  take  Care  peas  I  say 
Except  of  what  is  Rewealed  to  me  for  it  will  Com  to  pass  I  was 
born  when  grat  powers  Rouled  I  was  borne  in  1747  Janeuarey  22 
on  this  day  in  the  morning  A  grat  snow  storme  the  sines  in  the 
seventh  house  wives  mars  Came  fored  Joupeter  stud  by  houlding 
the  Candel  I  was  to  be  one  grat  man  mars  got  the  beth  to  be  onnest 
man  to  Doue  good  to  my  felow  mortelz  I  think  I  am  A  quaker 


24 

but  i  have  so  Littel  sense  I  Cant  Deseave  I  Can  swep  my  hous  & 
git  all  A  None  gelt  &  gone  out  of  hell  is  bless  Law  and  trouth  and 
Beason  on  my  side  it  must  be  done  when  I  git  my  worthy  widdow 
it  is  Dun  Not  one  word  of  Anger  as  Long  as  I  Live  to  a  A  good 
woman  I  a  firme  TIMOTHY  DEXTEE 

fourder  I  Dont  have  Aney  of  the  Ladeys  of  prinsbell  spend  the 
Intress  I  will  spend  Day  and  Nile  All  1  have  and  Done  all  the 
good  to  please  I  can  make  as  much  heaven  upon  Earth  as  posbel 
and  then  Dye  in  peas  A  men  and  Amen  for  A  Companon  I  must 
have  to  make  out  this  heaven  then  I  am  happy  the  gone  in  the 
dark  in  pease  when  the  Candel  gous  out  in  the — Lord  god  of 
Nater  one  more  A  men  good  bye 

T  DEXTER 

*  forder  A  grate  good  man  Came  to  see  me  Not  Long  sence  I 
told  sade  man  I  had  many  Innemys  he  says  be  Cos  you  are  tone 
onnest  to  be  beloved  you  Dont  gine  in  Comon  ways  with  Rougs 
bibel  making  mesonik  order  to  promes  to  pay  &  Never  pay  only 
with  A  Lye  and  gine  heell  on  Earth  Cheat  all  you  Can  gine  the 
mob  then  you  are  A  brother  Now  I  am  glad  I  did  Not  Nock  the 
Doer  Down  my  good  Louck  my  god  and  my  god  blessed  be  my 
good  Luch  T  DEXTER 

•  sum  more  sweet  meats  &  trouths  I  say  Now  man  sence  Noers 
Ark  Dare  to  Rite  of  so  Littel  Laning  I  begon  when  abrham  was* 
in  my  hous  I  then  Rote  this  world  was  hell  &  men  was  Divels 
sum  better  then  others  sum  white  Divels  sum  black  &  sum  Cop- 
per Divels  I  for  got  them  bloue  Divels  this  spred  far  was  printed 
in  many  papers  a  bishop  Cosed  my  blood  to  bile  thirteene  years 
last  March  as  when  I  begun  to  Rite  I  sade  the  grat  Rougs  was 
the  best  men  o  o  for  shame  the  onnest  man  was  Lafed  at  &  a  b 
being  foull  of  Laming  it  maks  him  mad  to  be  a  Lousefer  his 
Rane  is  short  I  hope  to  see  my  father  the  grat  felosfer  the  prese- 
dent  before  I  die  the  trouth  he  must  know  a  men 

T  DEXTER 

*  I  Crys  Crys  Lik  a  babey  when  I  Rits  my  trobel  is  so  grat  to 
have  my  Dafter  so  Crasey  the  Rick  of  our  Lives  such  blows  with 
such  weapons  of  a  sudden  &  strike  such  brouses  is  worth  thirty 


25 

millon  of  Dolors  for  a  pouer  man  to  have  and  others  o  brous  mo 
thay  wont  my  Life  to  git  my  money  &  so  I  must  seel  &  be  a 
sitteson  of  the  world  it  is  a  wonder  I  am  a  Live  the  burds  will 
Chip  offen  before  I  Can  git  to  sleep  the  Noys  is  so  grate  all  hell 
No  more  a  T)  bishups  he  wants  to  be  Deatey  Let  sade  beast  gone 
once  &  twise  act  so  Now  tone  much  Laning  make  Rougs  and 
fouls  in  the  Eand  Dig  a  Dich  &  fall  in  to  it  white  Rop  or  a  hare 
Rop  taks  them  in  time 
trouth 


This  is  revealed  to  me  how  the  world  was  made  witli  what  stuff 
it  was  made  with  is  the  question  Now  I  tell  the  with  paper  pen 
and  ink  and  type  the  Anemels  to  be  the  founders  of  it  with  a  Lye 
&  Lyes  upon  Lyes  wose  then  beasts  or  Snaks  or  wouls  or  bars 
tigers  Divijs  and  ten  times  wose  with  all  Lyes  untrouths  the  world 
allways  was  and  is  Look  out  for  trouth  a  men  I 

TIMOTHY  DEXTER 

fourder  in  six  Days  and  verey  good  and  harde  Labor  I  Cant 
gitt  my  monement  Dun  in  sixty  Days  and  work  hard  very  hard 
&  sweet  it  was  for  want  of  maney  hands  I  had  No  hiram  Nor 
Soloman  only  my  selfe  T  DEXTER 

World  makers  mankind  with  marbol  and  parchment  and  paper 
pen  &  ink  and  printers  tips  and  Lyes  upon  Lyes  amen  and  amen 
the  world  was  made  in  six  Days  out  of  Nothing  o  yess  o  lye  Now 
all  troue  Lye  yess  all  the  world  over 

TIMOTHY  DEXTER 


APPENDIX. 

IN  HONOR  OF 

TIMOTHY  DEXTER,  ESa. 

This  great  philosopher  may  indeed  be  styled  a  phenomenon  in 
nature !  The  many  literary  qualifications  he  possesses  rank  him 
foremost  among  literary  characters. That  unequalled  produc- 
tion from  the  pen  of  this  wonderful  philosopher,  denominated  "  A 
Pickle  for  the  Knowing  Ones,'^  has  not  only  received  universal 
applause,  and  been  ranked  as  of  the  first  magnitude  in  the  literary 
world,  but  has  had  such  rapidity  in  its  sale,  that  a  copy  cannot  be 
procured,  though  diligently  sought  after  by  men  of  the  most  tran- 
scendant  merit. 

Where  can  we  find  a  man  so  extensively  useful,  and  so  eminently 
calculated  to  diffuse  light  to  a  dark  and  ignorant  multitude,  as  this 
rare  philosopher  ?  How  penetrating  his  understanding  !  How  deep 
his  ideas !  What  a  multitude  of  discoveries  which  before  were  hid 
in  embiyo,  have  made  their  appearance  at  the  nod  of  his  genius  1 
Surely  we  may  say,  Blessed  are  the  people  who  are  highly  favored 
with  the  greatest  Luminary  that  ever  gave  light  to  an  existing  , 
world !  I 

While  aiming  at  a  just  portrait  of  this  remarkable  Naturalist 
and  Pliilosopher,  his  generosity  is  no  less  a  subject  of  admiration, 
than  his  literary  and  philosophical  abilities.  The  readiness  with 
which  his  benevolent  soul  bestows  donations  calls  forth  the  grateful 
acknowledgement  of  all  who  have  been  liberally  assisted  from  his 
bountiful  hand. 

Sec  him  the  first  to  assist  in  building  a  church  for  the  worship 
of  God  I  See  liim  liberally  give  for  the  purchase  of  bells,  the  ready 
eash,  without  hesitation  !  See  him  expending  his  fortune  to  preserve 
in  e\'erlastmg  romembrance,  characters  who  have  shone  with  un- 


27 

cxampled  greatness  in  Europe  and  America !  Here  the  subject 
fails.  Yain  man  may  as  well  attempt  to  stop  the  course  of  nature, 
aa  to  do  ample  justice  to  this  wonderful  man ! 

Behold  <all  nature  stands  aghast 
To  hear  thy  fame  from  east  to  west! 
How  greathow  grand  of  thee  we  hear, 
Thou  man  of  sense — thou  eastern  star ! 

All  men  inquire — but  few  can  tell 
How  thou  in  science  doth  excel ! 
Great  philosophic  genius,  we, 
The  meanest  reptiles,  bow  the  knee. 

At  thy  majestic  shrine  we  shrink  ! 
What  can  we  do,  or  say,  or  think ! 
When  contemplating  on  thy  worth. 
Which  hath  astonish' d  all  the  earth. 

Great  DEXTER,  did  the  world  do  right, 
Thy  name  would  shine  with  brilliant  light ! 
|i^  Each  would  declare  thv  wond'rous  fame. 

And  shout  at  DEXTE^'S  mighty  name ! 


Salem,  June  14,  1805 
My  Lord  Dexter, 

By  the  politeness  of  Mr.  Emerson  I  received  the  very  valuable 
contents  of  your  package.  A  new  edition  of  that  unprecedented 
performance,  entitled  "A  Pickle  for  the  Knowing  Ones,"  &c.  is 
very  urgently  called  for  by  the  friends  of  literature  in  this  country 
and  in  England — and  I  presume  with  the  additions  and  improve- 
ments intended  to  accompany  the  second  edition,  provided  it  should 
be  well  printed,  would  entitle  the  author  to  a  seat  with  the  Disci- 
ples of  Sir  Joseph  Banks,  if  not  to  a  place  in  Bonaparte's  Legion 
of  Honor — for  my  Lord  DEXTER  is  an  honorable  man.  But, 
sir,  the  work  cannot  be  executed  for  the  sum  named— nor  in  the 
tune  specified. — I  will  print  an  edition  of  500  copies  with  the 
additions,  for  fifty  dollars,  and  cannot  possibly  do  them  for  less. 

Wishing  your  Lordship  health  in  perpetuity — a  continuance  of 
your  admirable  reasoning  faculties — good  spirits,  and  an  abun- 
dance of  wealth — and  finally  a  safe  passage  ovcr  any  river  not  with 
Sticks,  but  a  pleasure  boat,  I  remain  yours  with  the  utmost  ])ro- 
fundity.  ^Y.  CARLTON/ 

T/te  Right  Honorable  Lord  Dexter,  \ 
Kt.  Newhuryport.  \ 


28 

The  follering  peases  are  not  my  Biting  hut  very  drole 

TIMOTHY  DEXTEE 
Mr.  Melciier, 
Tour  puhlisldng  the  following  extract  from  a  letter  said  to  he 
from  a  trader  among  the  Indians  to  a  friend,  may  amuse  some 
of  your  customers  for  the  Gazette. 

A  few  days  ago  one  of  the  Indians  paid  me  a  visit.  After  some 
conversation,  he  said  that  a  minister  from  the  United  States  had 
been  with  his  tribe  to  teach  them  the  Christian  rehgion.  He  says 
that  there  is  but  one  only  living  and  true  God,  who  is  a  good,  wise, 
and  powerful  spirit  (this  Indian  say  too)  and  that  there  are  three 
persons  in  the  god  head,  of  one  substance  and  power,  God  the 
father,  God  the  Son  and  God  the  Holy  Ghost,  that  the  Father  is 
of  none,  neither  begotten,  or  proceeding,  the  Son  is  eternally  be- 
gotten of  the  Father,  the  Holy  Ghost  eternally  proceeding  from 
the  Father  and  the  Son,  and  that  the  Holy  Ghost  visited  a  virgin, 
and  conveyed  the  Son  into  her ;  where  he  continued  nine  moons 
and  then  was  born  like  other  children,  was  born  God  and  man, 
that  when  he  was  about  thirty  years  old  began  to  preach,  but  the 
great  men  no  like  his  preaching,  sent  their  warriors,  who  took  and 
killed  him. 

Indians  ask  what  all  this  taUc  mean,  he  say  that  the  first  man 
and  woman  broke  God's  law  in  eating  what  God  had  forbidden, 
that  therefore  they  and  all  the  children  that  should  proceed  from 
them  must  die,  and  be  punished  after  death  forever;  that  the  Son 
came  and  died  to  save  some  of  mankind  from  being  punished  after 
death.  Oh  !  'trange  that  man  could  kill  God  the  Son,  and  that 
liis  death  be  of  service  to  mankind — great  many  people  die  before 
tlie  Son  of  God,  and  did  not  know  any  thing  about  him — it  was 
then  asked  whether  his  dying  would  do  poor  Indians  any  good ; 
he  say  yes,  if  they  believe ;  then  me  say  that  pappoose  no  beheve 
them  do  no  good ;  he  say  you  must  leave  that  with  God,  and  be- 
lieve for  yourself — one  say  it  is  hard  to  believe  such  'tories  ;  if 
Indian  tell  such  'trange  thmgs,  the  white  people  no  believe  \\m. 


29 

A  curious  Sermon,  hy  the  Rev.  Mr.  Hyherdin,  wldch  he  made 

at  the  request  of  certain  thieves  that  robbed  him  on  a  hill  near 

Hartlgroio,  in  Hampsliire,  (England)  in  their  presence  and 

at  that  instant. 

I  greatly  marvel  that  any  man  will  disgrace  thieving,  and  think 
that  the  doers  thereof  are  worthy  of  death,  considering  it  as  a  thing 
that  Cometh  near  unto  virtue,  being  used  in  all  countries,  and 
allowed  by  God  himself;  the  thing  which  I  cannot  compendiously 
show  unto  you  at  so  short  a  warning,  and  on  so  sharp  an  occasion. 
I  must  desire  you,  gentle  audience  of  thieves,  to  take  in  good  part 
what  at  this  time  cometh  into  my  mind,  not  doubting  but  that  you, 
through  your  good  knowledge,  are  able  to  add  much  more  unto  it, 
than  this  which  I  shall  now  offer  unto  you. 

First,  Fortitude  and  stoutness  of  courage,  and  also  boldness  of 
mind,  is  commended  of  some  men  to  be  a  virtue ;  which  being 
granted,  who  is  there  then  that  will  not  judge  thieves  to  be  virtu- 
ous ?  For  they  are  of  all  men  the  most  stout  and  hardy,  and  the 
most  void  of  fear ;  for  thieving  is  a  thing  usual  among  all  men ; 
for  not  only  you  that  are  here  present,  but  also  many  others  in 
divers  places,  both  men,  women  and  children,  rich  and  poor,  are 
daily  of  the  faculty,  as  the  hangman  at  Newgate  can  testify  ;  and 
that  it  is  allowed  of  by  God  himself  is  evident  from  Scripture  ;'?For 
if  you  examine  the  whole  course  of  the  Bible  you  will  find  that 
thieves  have  been  beloved  of  God ;  for  Jacob,  when  he  came  out 
of  Mesopotamia,  did  steal  his  uncle  Laban's  kids.  The  same 
Jacob  did  also  steal  his  brother  Esau's  blessing ;  and  yet  God  said, 
I  have  chosen  Jacob  and  refused  Esau.  The  children  of  Israel, 
when  they  came  out  of  Egypt,  did  steal  the  Egyptian's  jewels  of 
•ilver  and  jewels  of  gold,  as  God  commanded  them  to  do. 

David,  in  the  days  of  Abiathar,  the  high  priest,  came  into  the 
temple  and  stole  the  hallowed  bread;  and  yet  God  said,  *'  David 
is  a  man  after  my  own  heart.''  Christ  himself,  when  he  was  here 
on  earth,  did  take  an  ass  and  colt  that  was  none  of  his ;  and  yet 
God  said,  **This  is  my  beloved  son,  in  whom  I  am  well  pleased." 
Thus  you  see  that  God  delighted  in  thieves.^ ^ 

But  most  of  all  I  marvel  that  men  can  despise  thieves,  whereaa 
ki  many  points  you  be  like  Christ  himself;  for  Christ  had  no 
dwelling  plaee  no  more  than  you — Christ  at  length  was  caught, 
and  so  will  you — he  went  to  hell  and  so  will  you.  In  this  you 
•liffer  from  him,  for  he  rose  and  went  into  heaven — so  you  will 


30 

never  do  without  God's  great  mercy,  wMch  God  grant  you.  To 
whom  with  the  Father,  Son  and  Holy  Ghost,  be  all  honor  and 
glory,  for  ever  and  ever.     Amen. 


From  the  Providence  Ph(enix  of  December,  1804. 
MARaUIS  OF  NEWBURYPORT ! ! 

[  On  Monday  last  arrived  in  this  town  the  most  nohle  and  illus- 
trious Lord  TIMOTHY  DEXTER,  of  Newhuryport,  Mas- 
sachusetts, who  ha^  since  his  arrival  requested  the  'publication 
of  the  following  stanzas  in  this  day^s paper,  as  a  humble  tribute 
to  the  incomprehensible  majesty  of  his  name!  While  tlkey 
serve  as  a  brilliant  specimen  of  the  gifted  talents  and  admira- 
ble sublimity  of  the  Laureat,  from  whose  pen  they  flowed,  the 
tnrtuoso  in  genealogies,  and  the  worshippers  of  noble  rank  and 
boundless  fortune  may  derive  a  rich  and  delicious  satisfaction 
from  the  subject  to  which  they  are  devoted! 

ADVERTISEMENT  EXTRA. 

OF  THE  CELEBRATED 

LORD  DEXTER. 


LORD  DEXTER  is  a  man  of  fame, 
Most  celebrated  is  his  name ; 
More  precious  far  than  gold  that's  pure, 
Lord  Dexter  live  for  evermore. 

His  noble  house  it  shines  more  bright 
Than  Lebanon's  most  pleasant  height, 
Never  was  one  who  step'd  therein 
Who  wanted  to  come  out  again. 

His  house  is  fill'd  with  sweet  perfumes. 
Rich  furniture  doth  fill  his  rooms ; 
Inside  and  out  it  is  adorn' d, 
And  on  the  top  an  eagle's  form'd. 

His  house  is  white  and  trimm'd  with  green, 
For  many  miles  it  may  be  seen  ; 
It  shines  as  bright  as  any  star, 
The  fame  of  it  has  spread  afar. 


31 

Lord  Dexter,  thou,  whose  name  alono 
Shines  brighter  than  king  George*s  throne  ; 
Thy  name  shall  stand  in  books  of  fame, 
And  Princes  shall  his  name  proclaim. 

Lord  Dexter  hath  a  coach  beside. 
In  pomp  and  splendor  he  doth  ride ; 
The  horses  champ  the  silver  bitt. 
And  throw  the  foam  around  their  feet. 

The  images  around  him  stand, 
For  they  were  made  by  his  command  ; 
Looking  to  see  Lord  Dexter  come, 
With  fixed  eyes  they  see  him  home. 

Four  lions  stand  to  guard  the  door, 
With  their  mouths  open  to  devour 
All  enemies  who  do  disturb 
Lord  Dexter  or  his  shady  grove. 

Lord  Dexter,  like  king  Solomon, 
Hath  gold  and  silver  by  the  ton, 
And  bells  to  churches  he  hath  given. 
To  worship  the  great  king  of  heaven. 

His  mighty  deeds  they  are  so  great, 
He's  honor' d  both  by  church  and  state, 
And  when  he  comes  all  must  give  way, 
To  let  Lord  Dexter  bear  the  sway. 

When  Dexter  dies  all  things  shall  droop, 
Lord  p]ast,  Lord  West,  Lord  North  shaU  stoop, 
And  then  Lord  South  with  pomp  shall  come, 
And  hear  his  body  to  the  tomb. 

His  tomb  most  charming  to  behold, 
A  thousand  sweets  it  doth  unfold  ; 
When  Dexter  dies  shall  willows  weep. 
And  mourning  friends  shall  fill  the  street. 

May  Washington  immortal  stand, 
May  Jefferson  by  God's  command 
Support  the  right  of  all  mankind, 
John  Adams  not  a  whit  behind. 

America  with  all  your  host, 

Lord  Dexter  in  a  bumper  toast ; 

May  he  enjoy  his  life  in  peace, 

And  when  he's  dead  his  name  not  cease. 

In  heaven  may  he  always  reign, 
For  there's  no  sorrow,  sin,  nor  pain : 
Unto  the  world  I  leave  the  rest, 
For  to  pronounce  Lord  Dexter  blest. 


32 


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